I can't even explain

I think my body is still in shock. My muscles have been so tight and I feel like I just ran a marathon. And I thought that being the Primary chorister was going to be overwhelming seeing I've never conducted before, I don't really sing, and I really have no experience in music besides high school choir... little did I know!

So this is how this whole pregnancy has gone...
Justin and I were feeling good about having two little kids close in age. They would be almost two years apart. Not difficult right? Just two kids for our 2nd year of law school. Seemed doable. Budgeted. Seemed like the right thing to do. Everything seemed perfect. Carden's been so easy, how could one more be that much harder!

April 1st 2009- Yes, we are pregnant! We were hoping more of a Winter/Spring baby but I guess we could do a baby right before finals! It would be a little challenging, but we would have plenty of help.

At first we knew something was different about this pregnancy. With Carden I had no changes at all, but everyone kept telling me that every baby is different. This pregnancy has been so different from Carden's. I have been craving burgers, Doritos, french fries, and donuts. I felt more tired in the morning, felt a little morning sickness, but not too bad. But the THING that really caught my attention was how BIG i felt. I didn't look big but I just felt SOO heavy. I never felt heavy with Carden until my last trimester. I just remember telling Justin, "We are having twins" even though I thought there was NO WAY that we could have twins. It doesn't run in any of our families, plus my sister just had twins, so what are the chances?! I was being sarcastic, but there was a little, sooo little, hesitation when i said it, which is why for my first doctors appointment I even asked, "only one heart beat right?" "only one baby?" The doctor reassured me that there was only ONE baby. I felt silly for even asking, since I was pretty sure there was just NO WAY of that even happening.

But I knew there was something different as the pregnancy got further along. I thought most likely it was because I was having a girl instead of a boy and also I really thought I was further along than the doctors were saying. I really didn't remember the exact date, so I was sure I was just off about when this baby was born. So when we went in to see the doctor before our ultrasound and she said I was measuring big I felt good b/c that meant a baby born before finals, and Justin wouldn't be stressed out. We were feeling so good. Baby before Thanksgiving weekend. Justin would catch up on his missed classes, then be ready for finals as we had Grandpa helping me! We even had a bed for Carden set up. We didn't need to purchase anything except diapers for this baby coming.

Then Thursday morning at 8am (July 2nd being only 18 maybe 20 weeks pregnant) we went to another separate office for the ultrasound. Not expecting anything. We were just so calm so excited to see if it was going to be a girl or a boy. But right as I laid down the lady pulled up immediately two heads on the CLEAR FLAT SCREEN TV. I really didn't think it was two heads, but she said "Oh your having twins!" I had to sit up to wake myself up. Both Justin and I looked at her, "No, twins?, no" "Yes! twins! Two heads. Two babies!" as she held up two fingers the lady repeated. I felt sick and my eyes were swelling with huge tears. I couldn't even watch the screen or even the rest of the ultrasound. I just held tight to Justin's hand thinking, "THERE IS NO WAY, NO WAY." We were both shocked. We couldn't believe it. How could this be?

As the lady continued to take measurements and point out that each baby had all its limbs I felt so sick. I thought I was going to throw up right on her and her medical device thingy. I finally found my voice to ask her if I could just lay on my side and she said that is fine and continued to push all over my stomach taking measurements. I kept thinking about how I probably wont be able to have a normal easy delivery. I kept thinking about my sister and her delivery and then thinking there is no way I will be strong enough to go through a C-section. Oh I am just not strong enough. I can't handle three kids. Our car won't even fit three car seats, and our apartment can't even fit anymore furniture! My mind was racing. How do you even start to prepare to have twins?

I was able to make it through the LONG, uncomfortable ultrasound. I had said a little prayer and I felt the spirit come over me and help comfort me. I know the Lord is blessing us with two of his spirit children. I know that the Lord has a plan for each one of us and he knows what we need. I just can't believe he wants to send us TWO right now, right when were in the thick of things with law school, tight budget, no money...

Yesterday the Bishop of Justin's ward gave a wonderful testimony that just reaffirmed what I had already felt during the ultrasound. He gave statistics about the chances of one of Heavenly Father's spirit children being born into an LDS family, also what are the chances of being born into this great country? He just talked a lot about how we need to serve with all our heart, and be good Saints and raise children in the gospel. It was such a wonderful testimony meeting and I felt the spirit so strongly as each member bore their testimony. I know the Lord knows each one of us. He loves us and he wants us to be happy. I know that only through the help of the Savior can we overcome all our trials and be able to return to our Father in heaven. I'm so thankful that I have a sister that can help me prepare since we are in almost the exact same boat. Also I have a friend that had a boy first and then a boy/girl set of twins. I know that Justin and I will be able to endure this UNBELIEVABLE challenge/blessing. We are nervous, excited, happy, and scared all at the same time! I can't even explain the feelings that come knowing there are two babies growing inside me. I don't know if I will ever OUT BEAT this overwhelming feeling that comes with knowing you are having twins!

My body is still adjusting. I have felt so tight and have had the hardest time walking and picking up Carden. I feel like a little of the soreness has gone away so hopefully I will be feeling back to my self soon. Just this weekend the babies have been doing flips, and kicking and I seriously feel like Bella when she was pregnant. I just feel like this pregnancy is going so fast, and the babies are getting so big, and I really don't know how I will make it until NOVEMBER!

Twin Due Date: December 5th 2009 (which would be awesome if I did carry till then since my Birthday is January 5th and Carden's is April 5th! Maybe they will come November 5th!)

Most likely I will make it to 36 weeks which gives the due date: November 12th, 2009 (I think)